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Post by Drama Queen Jessi 5 on Jun 2, 2005 2:47:37 GMT -5
Part 2 Soon the musical was over, I was tired, and yes I know I ended the songs short but end number is very long and confusing, the only thing that really dwelled in my mind were the two passionate kisses between Christine and the Phantom. But I had people that wanted to see me, many people came up to us telling us how well we did, I was happy when people praised Hayden. Billie came up to me handing me roses. “Wow, um thank you. How’d you know?” I asked. “My mom found out from your mom.” He said. “Ah, I see, did you enjoy the show?” I asked. “Yes, it was great, who was the Phantom?” He asked. “Hayden Christensen. He also co-stars with me on House.” I said. “Oh, I don’t get to watch much TV. Did you get noticed for the show?” He asked. “I got a fair amount but I can still live normally, you know.” I said. “Wow, so you’re 17 now? God, you’re so beautiful.” He said touching my face. I didn’t have an answer for that, I just pulled away. “Jess—“ “Jessica. I’m-I’m not Jess to you anymore, but go on.” I said. “Jessica, the reason I came here tonight was to tell you something. I love you, I always have and I’m sorry for leaving you.” He said. The words I had longed to hear—a year ago. He continued. “I do need you, I was stupid. I know that you love me too.” He said. “I’m sorry.” I said. “Why are you sorry? We can be together now, I left Adrienne, nothing’s stopping us.” He said. I looked down and sighed but then brought my eyes back up. “I’m sorry because I loved you. But that was a year ago, you left me, it was hard, sometimes I felt like I wouldn’t go on, but I did—<br>“ I know and just listen to me—“ “No you listen. I loved you and you knew it. I just know you did. But I’ve let go of all that. It’s in the past it’s gone. I’ve grown up, I don’t even know that person anymore. I’m sorry, I won’t be your second choice.” I said walking away. “Jessica! Jessica! Come back please. I love you!” Billie shouted. I couldn’t, I couldn’t turn around, it would only give me pain. Hayden waited for me. “I saw Billie, what’d he want?” He asked. “He wanted to tell me that he loved me.” I said. “Oh, well what’s the problem?’’ He said. “I don’t love him. I’m completely over him. Oh this feels awesome. I mean I feel bad for him and I’ll try to be friends, but we can never be what we were. That saddens me. But I have to let go.” I said. “Wow, that’s it.” Hayden smiled. “That’s what?” I asked. “You’re a woman. I think you just grew up.” He said. “Ha, that fast huh? Hayden, let’s go somewhere.” I said. There was an excitement in me I had never felt before. “Where?” He said. “The beach.” I said. “But it’s midnight.” He said. “No fun.” I said. “Hey ok let’s go.” He said. When we got to the beach, we walked in the moonlight. I went out into the ocean and tried to get Hayden to follow. “C’mon!” I said. “No, I’m not going out there.” He said. “C’mon, just for a little.” I teased. “No.” He said. “What? You scared?” I teased some more. “No, not scared.” He said. “Then why?” I asked. “Because—I don’t know—just come back here.” He said. “Not unless you come out here.” I said smiling. “Fine!” He laughed running out and picking me up. When he put me down, I splashed him. “Hey!” He said. “Yea, hey.” I said going close to him. Our faces were inches from each other. “So what do we do now?” I asked. “I don’t know, but I like this.” He said. “Yea but I like this.” I said then I think I shocked the both of us. I kissed him. It didn’t shock him as I expected, instead he deepened the kiss. “I think I love you.” I said when we parted. “I know.” He smiled.
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Post by Drama Queen Jessi 5 on Jun 17, 2005 0:44:16 GMT -5
Here's the new addition. It took me awhile to write but here it is.
Chapter 7: Runnin’ From Your Heart
I woke up with a feeling, I didn’t expect, I felt regret. Not for what I had said to Hayden, it was true I did love him…but what I said to Billie. I lied and I knew it, I still loved him, how could I not? This was a problem. Why does this always happen to me? Something bad happens and it gets better and once I think that it’s gone forever something always comes back to slap me in the face. But I knew one thing I had to do, I had to tell the men I loved what I felt. I went to Hayden first. I pulled into his driveway and heaved a deep sigh, I was scared to do this. I looked at myself in the flip-down mirror, my eyes got a little watery but I refused to cry. I took a deep breath and knocked on his door. Hayden stood there smiling. He’s gonna stop smiling when he hears what I have to say. “Hey, come in.” He said opening the door wider. He tried to hold me but I pulled away. His beautiful smile faded. “What’s wrong?” He asked looking straight into my eyes. “There’s uh-no easy way to-uh- say this—but uh, here goes—I love Billie. I know, I know I said I was over him and at that moment I thought I was but—but when I think about it I know I was lying.” I said realizing I couldn’t say anymore until I saw his reaction. But he didn’t say anything, his face was blank. He swallowed hard and then spoke. I shut my eyes expecting him to yell. But instead it was barely a whisper. “You-You love him. I-“ “But I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you because I do.” “So you love both of us?” “Yes. And that’s the problem.” “You bet.” “What?” “Nothing.” “No, you said something.” “It doesn’t matter.” “But you—“ “Jessica, what matters is the fact you can’t get your emotions straight!” “Hey, I didn’t expect this to happen.” “But it did.” “Yes. It did, now what do I do?” “Jess-I can’t believe—you choose! You choose either me or Billie! That’s what you do!” “But I can’t—“ “Go talk to Billie, that’s what you should do right now. Then I don’t know have a cup of coffee and think it over.” I didn’t know what to say so I just walked out and got in the car and found Billie. He was sitting on the ground—SMOKING. “What are you doing?” I asked a little taken aback. “I could ask the same of you.” He said smoldering the cigarette into the ground. He got up and just looked at me. I got lost in his gorgeous green eyes. I forgot the reason why I came until his voice brought me back to reality. “Why are you here?” He asked a little cross. “I’m here to tell you, I lied. I do love you, very much.” I said my voice shaking. “You love me?” He said his voice almost as shaky as mine. “But I love Hayden as well.” I said. “Christensen? The Phantom? You love him?” He said getting a bit mad. He then stuck his hand into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes, ripping out one of them and quickly setting the tip aflame. “So what you can’t decide. Oh, this is so typical of you Jess, you get two good things and you can’t decide between them.” He said blowing smoke in my face. I snatched the cigarette from his hands and stopped it on the ground. “Hey! Listen, a year ago I thought you had left and were in love with little Miss Adrienne Nesser—not me! I also thought—I thought you were never coming back.” I said almost shouting. He raised his eyebrows. “Wow.” He said coming closer to me. He deepened his gaze on me and got a cunning smile. “Please don’t look at me like that.” I said turning my eyes on a suddenly interesting stop sign. “Why not?” He said getting inches away from my face. “Because it makes me feel uncomfortable” I said, looking back at him. “I’m sorry.” He said making it clear that he wasn’t. “Don’t do this.” I said becoming frustrated. “Don’t do what?” He asked still close to my face. “This—this thing—where you act all cute, funny, and— He put his hand on the small of my back. “And?” “And—sexy.” “But I am cute, funny, and sexy.” I just stared. I was lost in him, I was like Christine for the Phantom, he had a power over me and it mesmerized me. I was drawn to him. I, without knowing what I was doing, let him kiss me. He tilted my head back and deepened the already passionate kiss. I broke it, gasping for air. “What did I just do?” I said coming out of the trance he had put me in. “You know what you did.” He said coming close to kiss me again and I have to say I did give in. But I broke it quickly. “No, no, this isn’t right.” I said trying to break away from his arms which were now around my waist but I couldn’t—a part of me didn’t want to. He turned me around so that my back was leaning against his chest. He pressed his face up against the back of my neck; I could feel his breath on me. “No, Billie, I need to—“ I started shaking and finally willed myself to pull away from his seducing acts. “I need to think, I can’t do this. I need to—“Leave. That’s what I needed to do. I walked to my car. “What are you doing?” He asked shocked. “Leaving, you should recognize the gesture.” I said not looking at him because if I looked at him I would never leave. I got in my car and drove, drove, and drove, until I reached my destination, Illinois. Everyone was worried about me—especially Ricky, yes, Ricky. He was also the only one who knew where I went. He drove as well, to Illinois and stopped at Melissa’s (who also lived in Illinois) and told her what was going on. They both then went looking for me. Soon enough they found me at my old house which my mom kept. I saw Ricky’s car pull into the driveway. I ran outside so I forgot to turn the TV off. I smiled when I saw him but once we got inside he looked mad. “Jess, you can’t just leave like that?!” He said. “Why not?” I said defensively. “Because running away from your problems doesn’t solve anything. You’re just running from your heart.” He sighed. “Well I—“ I was interrupted by something on the TV. “We interrupt this program to tell you of the shocking weather in California. Tornadoes are destroying cities as we speak. Turn to the weather channel for more information.” I ran to the TV and turned on the Weather Channel. “The tornadoes are spreading all over California, one seems to be heading towards Berkely, so anyone in that area, leave immediately or take cover.” Oh, my God, that’s where Billie and my brothers were. I dashed to the car, Ricky went after me. “Where are you going?” He asked bewildered. “The tornadoes are going to be hitting Berkely, my brothers and Billie are there. I have to save them, or at least die trying.” I said starting up the car. “What—wait—die trying?” Ricky stammered. “If you want to help,” I said pulling out of the driveway,” you can follow me. If not, good bye, just in case, know that if you were there I would do the same for you, I love you Ricky, you’re a great guy. Melissa, take care of him, you’re an amazing person.” Then I sped down the street. “Are we going to help her?” Ricky asked. “Of course we are she’s our friend!” Melissa said. I got to Berkely quicker than I expected but too late like I feared. The town was utterly destroyed. Glass, wood, dirt, brick, stone, wires, everything was scattered. I got out of the car and ran to Dylan and Cole’s house. Luckily I knew my dad was out of town, so he wasn’t hurt but I worried about my brothers. Their house was ruined like everything else. I kicked the door a little and it fell off, and then I went inside. “Dylan! Cole!” I yelled before breathing in a heap of dust. I found them quickly, Thank God, in the basement. I grabbed them I pulled them close. “Oh praise God, you’re alright.” I said. “It was Cole’s idea; he pays attention to science and weather.” Dylan said. “Well come on I still have to find out if Billie’s ok.” I said. They followed me upstairs, well what was left of the stairs and we found Ricky and Melissa outside. “Oh! You’re alright, that’s wonderful.” Melissa said. “I’m so glad you followed. Can you do me a favor?” I asked. “Of course.” Ricky said. “Take them back to Illinois. They’ll be safe there. Here’s the key.” I said handing it to him. He nodded slowly then gave me a hug, Melissa followed his action. “God be with you.” She said. “Thanks.” I said smiling weakly. I stumbled my way over to where Billie was, it looked like Mike and Tre’ had left before things got bad. I looked around the broken apartment but I couldn’t find Billie anywhere. An enormous wave of fear overcame me, until I heard some faint coughing. I stalked over to a remote part of the apartment and after lifting some boards I found Billie. My heart skipped a beat; I was so relieved to see he was alive. After taking a few minutes to process me, he smiled. “My hero.” He said weakly. “Come on,” I said,” let’s get you out of here.” I threw his arm over my shoulder and worked my way to the car. I laid him down in the backseat and decided to drive back to Illinois where I could take him to a hospital. Ricky was already at the hospital getting my brothers checked out. I owed him big time. Billie got a room quickly. I walked over to the doctor. “You got your friend just in time. You should be proud of yourself.” He began. “Thanks but you’re sure he’s going to be ok?” I asked. “Yea, we’ll have to keep him here overnight, but yes, he’ll be fine.” He smiled. “Thanks.” I said starting to walk away. “Hey, you’re Jessica Knackstedt, aren’t you, you’re on that TV show, the doctor one, “House”, I love that show. Could I have an autograph?” He asked. I tried to keep myself from rolling my eyes as I walked over and signed a piece of paper. “Thanks. Oh, and you can see him now.” The doctor smiled. I walked into the hospital room and almost walked right out. Billie was there, on a bed, with IVS and monitors, everything, the sight brought tears to my eyes but I held them back. I walked to the bed and sat down beside him and touched his hand. He smiled weakly when he opened his eyes. “Hi, hero.” He said softly. “Hi, yourself. How are you holding up?” I asked. “Oh, well, I’m not dead yet.” He said. “Hey! That’s not funny.” I said. “I know, thanks for…saving me…I guess.” He said hesitant. “You’re welcome…I guess.” I laughed. “Can I ask you a question?” He asked. “I’m listening.” I said. “Why-why that night did you say you didn’t love me?” He asked awaiting an answer. I swallowed hard, and thought of the answer. “B-because—because I was tired of crying, I was tired of crying for something, I thought, would never return. That’s why I said it. I thought if I heard it out loud, it would be true. It wasn’t. And by saying it I think, I’ve brought more pain on myself and others, than just telling the truth. Now, I have to go. I’ll visit you later,” I said getting up. I walked out and went to my car, breathing heavy. I regained my composure and swallowed hard. I was kicking myself for opening up to him. I had wanted to be distant with him. At that moment I wished I had Hayden to talk to but he probably wouldn’t see me. I bit my lip and took out my cell and called him. He answered to my surprise. “Hi, how are you?” He asked. “What—you’re talking to me?” I said another big breath. “Yea, I came to Illinois to look for you and I heard how you saved your brothers and Billie. It’s amazing. You’re a hero. I can’t believe it. I’m proud of you, Jess.” He said. His words made my eyes water. “Thanks.” I said sniffling. “You ok?” He asked. “Yea-well-no, can-can- I see you?” I asked awaiting a “no”. “Of course, I’m at Melissa’s; it sounds like you need someone to talk to.” He said. “Thank you.” I said. I drove there and got a bunch of hugs from Melissa and Ricky. I looked at Hayden, who smiled at me. How could he smile at me after what was going on? He ran up to me and hugged me, Ricky and Melissa left the room. I burst out in tears. “Oh, Hayden. I was so scared.” I sobbed. “It’s ok. You saved them.” He said pulling me tighter. He let go of me and looked at me. He wiped away my tears and almost kissed me but pulled away. He could restrain himself, unlike Mr. Armstrong. I laughed. We walked over to the couch, and sat down. “Billie asked me why I said I didn’t love him, before.” I said. “What’d you tell him?” Hayden asked. “I said because I was tired of crying for something I thought wouldn’t return.” I replied. “Oh good answer.” He said. “It’s true.” I said. “I know, what’d he say?” He asked. “He didn’t say anything. I got up and left.” I said. “Oh I--” “Hayden, I choose him. I choose Billie, I’m sorry.” I said trying to get up but he pushed me down. I tried to face his eyes but I couldn’t. He put his finger underneath my chin and made me look into them. “It’s ok. He needs you right now and you need him. I can always be a friend, just a friend.” He said. “My angel.” I said. “Yea you’re angel.” He repeated.
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Post by Drama Queen Jessi 5 on Jun 21, 2005 23:58:19 GMT -5
Chapter 8: Time Passed It had been two years since that moment. Hayden and I tried staying in touch but he was so busy with his new role, Anakin Skywalker for the new Star Wars prequels. I was thrilled but it pulled him away from me. But then again he was pulled away from me from the minute I said I chose Billie. Billie, by the way, has been a hard to place boyfriend. He was all over the map. He was 21, now along with Ricky. He was playing a lot of shows and even went on a European tour with a couple of punk bands. It left me with finishing up “House” and playing pen-pal-long distance girlfriend. I hate that role. I was lying in my bed, in California, in my new apartment, looking at the ceiling. I looked at my hand, at the ring Billie gave me. It was greenish-blue, it went with most of my clothes but…I know that Mike picked it out. Mike was good at that. He told me that he would forever have a crush on me. It made me laugh. He surprisingly is still dating Alyson. Tre’ is now dating a girl named Lisea. She’s got him on such a short leash, it’s funny. I sighed. I realized when I started dating Billie, I hate him but on the other hand, I am desperately in love with him. Sometimes I wonder if he loves me as much as I love him or if he loves me at all or am I just chick placed beside him to replace Adrienne. I know that’s not true, I hope. When Billie came over for dinner later that night, I don’t think I was even listening. He caught on mid-sentence talking about how cute his girl fans are. Why should I pay attention to that? “Jess! Jess!” He said bringing me out of my thoughts. “What.” I said still half-listening. “I was talking about--” “You’re cute punk fans.” I said. “Y-yea. What’s wrong with you?” He asked. “I’ve been thinking.” I said. “Well that’s never good.” He muttered. That hurt. I got up from the table and then locked myself in my room, instead of coming after me, he left. We went out the next day with, Ricky and Melissa, and Mike and Aly. I went off shopping with the girls, Aly was trying on skirts and we were giving our opinions. “That one’s nice.” I said looking at my feet. “You’re not even looking.” Aly said coming over to me. “What’s wrong?” Melissa asked. “Yea, you’ve seemed—off.” Aly said. “I don’t know. I’m just tired—I guess.” I sighed. “Well why don’t we call like Regan and Cassie, and we’ll have a girl’s night.” Aly suggested. “When?” I asked. “Um—this Friday.” Melissa said. “No good, Green Day’s got that show at Gilman’s Street Club.” I said. “But you hate that place.” Melissa said. “I know, but Billie wanted me to come.” I said. So it turned out that Friday came quickly. And guess who was at the show, why, Miss Adrienne Nesser and guess what Billie did. He talked to her the whole night, leaving me waiting outside. I came in and she was awfully close to him. I cleared my throat loudly. She stepped back from him, I walked up to him. I kicked him, I almost kicked her but I restrained myself. “Can we go?” I asked looking around the empty club. “But I’m talking--” “So? You’ve done enough talking. I want to go.” I said. “I don’t.” He said. Took off the ring and handed it to him. “What’s this?” He asked taking it. “Wh-the ring—the ring you gave me!” I exclaimed. I kicked him again and then again just because it made me feel better. I walked off. But I heard Adrienne say, “Wow, she’s uptight.” “I know.” Billie replied. That was it I had had it. I went back up to him grabbed him by the hair and slammed his face into the nearest table. I know it wasn’t mature and it wasn’t ladylike but he deserved it. He looked at me outraged when I let him go. He raised his hand but I twist back his wrist before he could strike me. I bent it back and twisted it back so far I nearly broke it, he almost hit me with his other hand but I ducked and then kicked him in the stomach. Adrienne was laughing. I punched her in the face and then finally left. It started to rain and I had no ride but I liked it. In fact I was quite happy with myself. As I was walking I bumped into someone. “I’m sorry.” I said. “It’s ok.” Hey, I recognized that voice! It was Hayden. “Hayden?” I said. “Jess?” He said turning around. “Wow! You look beautiful!” He said picking me up and spinning me around. I laughed. “It’s great to see you, well I was on my way to see you but—yea.” He said “Well come with me, Anakin Skywalker.” I said. Hayden stayed over and we talked the whole night. He was really doing well and looking incredible. I woke up to hear my phone ringing. I picked it up and it was Billie screaming at me. All I did was laugh. Hayden got up after I hung up the phone. “What was that about?” He asked. “Oh, I just have to face the music for my actions.” I said. “Oh.” He replied. “I’ll be back soon, you can wait or go visit the others.” I said going to the door. “I’ll wait for you, I always liked waiting for you.” He said smiling. “Thanks!” I said running over and kissing him on the cheek. I went over to the guy’s apartment. Mike opened the door laughing. “What did you do to him?” “I just gave him what he deserved.” I laughed. “You go girl!” He smiled. Mike knew how Billie had been treating me and justified my actions so did Tre’. “Is that her?” I heard Billie scream. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing when I heard him. He came up to me when I got inside. “Y-You! You broke my wrist!” He exclaimed. “No-no-no. I twisted your wrist. It’s not broken. I could have though.” I replied. “Well- you broke my nose!” He said. “Yea-yea that I did.” I said nodding. “And you kicked me in the stomach and punched Adrienne!” He nearly bellowed. Mike and Tre’ started clapping. “You deserved it. You have treated me horribly. You nearly hit me. You ignore me, you insult me in front of everyone, you belittle me, and you make me furious, so I think you got exactly what you deserved, Mr. Billie Joe Armstrong.” I said calmly. “Hear Hear!” Mike and Tre’ said. I smiled. Billie barked at me for a few more minutes and I just took it calmly and sighed. “Wait-why are you taking this so calmly?” He asked quieting down. “Because I know that if I just let you yell and not interrupt you, you’ll settle down.” I said. “Oh. Wow. I’m sorry, for being such a jerk. Forgive me?” He said handing me the ring. I put it back on. “I guess, but you better treat me better from now on.” I said looking straight into his eyes. “Of course.” He said. He walked up to me but I pulled away. “Now, I have a house guest that’s waiting for me.” I said walking to the door. “What?” Billie said confused. “Hayden’s here.” I said leaving. “That is one great woman.” Mike said in awe. “You got that right.” Tre’ agreed.
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Post by Drama Queen Jessi 5 on Jun 21, 2005 23:58:59 GMT -5
Chapter 9: Walkin’ On Sunshine
Hayden and I hung out for the past month. Billie was trying to be a good boyfriend, but he was very jealous. Hayden stayed at my apartment, much to Billie’s dismay. One night he came in while Hayden and I were watching a movie. I was lying my head on Hayden’s chest, for no real reason. But when Billie came in, it looked like something else. “What are you doing?” He roared. I sighed, gave Hayden a look, and got up. “Watching a movie.” I replied calmly. Ever since that big argument, I’ve been more calm, breezy, and not caring, well about what Billie does. I just let him act like the raging idiot while I’m calm and relaxed. I’ve been walkin’ on sunshine. My calm act got to his nerves, but like I said I didn’t seem to care. He scoffed. “On his chest? Must be a very interesting movie.” I sighed. “You’re overreacting. It was nothing.” I shrugged. “It really wasn’t anything.” Hayden said. Billie would have yelled at him but I gave him a look. “Now, are you going to trust me or are you going to think I’m lying?” I asked. “I trust you, I’m sorry.” He said. Stuff like this had been happening lately. I would be near Hayden, he come in, get mad, I’d act calm, he’d apologize. Friday night Billie took me out to dinner. “Jess, I know I’ve been a really big jerk lately and I’d like to prove myself to you in the only way I know how.” He said getting on the ground, on one knee. “Oh, my gosh” I said putting my hand over my mouth. “Jessica Josephine Knackstedt, will you marry me?” He asked his gorgeous green eyes, pleading. He opened the little jewelry box to reveal the ½ a carat diamond. I didn’t know what to say, it was so unexpected. I didn’t want to leave him waiting, so I answered. “Y-yes.” He got up, took off my old ring, put it in his pocket and put the new ring on me, and kissed me. When I got back to my apartment, Hayden was waiting up for me. “oh my gosh—Hayden—you will not believe.” I said. “What happened?” He asked getting up and coming towards me. I showed him the ring. “He asked me to marry him.” I smiled. Hayden smiled weakly. “That’s great.” He said quietly.
Chapter 10: She Will Be Loved
A/N: Sorry that chapter was so short. But this one will be too and so will Ch. 11.
I woke up hearing two loud voices. I got dressed and then walked into the living area to see Billie and Hayden arguing. Houston, we have problem. “What’s going on?” I asked. “Jess, there’s a problem.’ Hayden began. “Which is?” I asked. “We both love you.” Billie said. “I never stopped even though you chose him.” Hayden sighed. “Oh.” I said grabbing a water bottle and leaving. I left to go on a morning jog and because I didn’t want them to know it wasn’t a big problem for me. I loved both of them but not in the same way. When I got back, they weren’t there. I went to my piano and just started playing. I called Ricky telling him about the situation. “So why isn’t a problem, it seems like one to me.” He said. “’Cause I don’t love them both in the same way.” I said. “Oh.” He said. We talked for about an hour about this then I called other friends just to talk and pass time. I put a scary movie on and scared the crap out of me; I did some splatter painting, and even made up a dance to Ciara’s “Oh”. I put on some Maroon 5 and went to the piano. I surprised myself greatly. Why was I acting so normal? Two years ago I would have been flipping out. I heard the doorknob turn and the guys walked in quietly. They heard me at the piano and came over. “We’ve made a decision.” They said. I kept playing as to say go on. “We don’t want to continue what we were doing, which was yelling at each other.” Billie said. “You have to decide.” Hayden said. “How long do I have to decide?” I asked quietly. “We’ll give you two days.” Billie said. Hayden was staying with Ricky. I thought about it all night.
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Post by Drama Queen Jessi 5 on Jun 22, 2005 0:00:09 GMT -5
Chapter 11: Follow Your Heart
Ricky came over to see me. “Hey. How are you doing?” He asked. “As fine as I can be.” I said. He smiled and then hugged me. “I really don’t want to hurt anyone.” I said. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Just be honest, that’s all I ask of you.” He said laughing. “Ricky, I’m sorry.” I said. “Why?” He asked. “When Billie came back into my life, when I was 16, I pushed you aside, even though you had always been there for me. I betrayed you. I was so selfish. I’m so sorry.” I said. “You didn’t betray me and you weren’t selfish. You were just very confused at that time. So much was going on in your life. But because of it you have become a great young woman.” He said, “And we all love you for it.” “Thank you Ricky, you’re the best.” I said. “Anything for you, babe.” He said getting up. “Say hi to Melissa for me.” I said. “I will.” He smiled. “She’s a very special person.” I said. “Yea, she is.” He said. “And she loves you very much.” I said. “Yea she does and I love her. I’m gonna marry her, when were older of course.” He smiled. “I know.” I said. He left. Regan came over to see afterwards. “Hey Jess.” She said. “You know?” I asked. “Yea, everyone does.” She said. My face fell. “I feel horrible. Why do they both have to love me?” I asked. “Jess, I thought you already knew your answer.” She said. “I do but I just don’t want to tell them. I can’t bear seeing them hurt.” I sighed. “You’re a good person.” She said hugging me. “I don’t want them acting like two angry young boys. They were bickering and yelling, like children. I couldn’t believe it. I mean it—I don’t know.” “You’re a good person, but you have to tell them the truth. You can’t leave them waiting. You have to stop thinking about them and follow your heart.” Regan said. I nodded. I shook my head. Regan left leaving me alone with my thoughts. I stayed up all night and finally reached my decision. But when I did I felt guilty. I didn’t want anyone to think I was betraying them. I didn’t want one of them becoming bitter. There were so many things I didn’t want that it clouded what I did want. I sighed dreading the morning.
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Post by Drama Queen Jessi 5 on Jun 22, 2005 0:00:53 GMT -5
Chapter 12: You Don’t Want Me/ Don’t Break My Heart
The guys came over in the morning. We all sat down. “I thought about this all night. And I’ve come to a decision.” I began. “And?” Billie said. “Before I give my answer, I don’t want you to feel betrayed, bitter, or angry, know that I do love you very much.” I said. Hayden looked down. I guessed he thought since he was rejected once it would happen again. I felt so sorry about what I had to do, but it needed to happen. I looked at both of them, hard, as if to remember the moment before I broke their hearts. I took Billie’s hand and took off his ring. I placed it in his palm, closed his fingers and let go. “I’m sorry.” I said. Tears filled those green eyes I once loved. He sighed and looked at the ring in his hand. “You don’t want me, trust me. I wouldn’t be a very good rock’n’roll wife. I wouldn’t understand it. You’ll find someone so much better, but promise me you’ll invite me to the wedding.” I said smiling. He took my hand and kissed it. “You’re an amazing woman.” He turned to Hayden and shook his hand. “I hope you’ll be very happy together. You can come see us play any time you want, because, Jess you’ll always be are greatest number one fan.” He said going to the door. “Billie?” I said. “Yea.” He said wiping his eyes. “Thank you.” I smiled. “No, thank you.” He said leaving. Hayden kissed me. “I know I could never live my life without you.” I said. “I feel the exact same way.” He said kissing me again. I walked over to the piano. “I wrote this last night, it’s for you.” I said. I played the intro and then opened my mouth.
I've been searching for my place Finding my way home now I'm looking at your face And I don't feel so alone Never knew I'd find you
Don't break my heart Don't walk away Don't leave me lonely Running in place Waited so long To be here right now Sometimes things work out Don't ask me how Don't break my heart
I watch the shadows walk the street Nothing was enough Now I'm closer to complete Not trying to be tough Never knew How I’d find you
Don't break my heart Don't walk away Don't leave me lonely Running in place Waited so long To be here right now Sometimes things work out Don't ask me how Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart Don't walk away Don't leave me lonely Running in place Waited so long To be here right now Sometimes things work out Don't ask me how Don't break my heart Don't break my heart Don't break my heart I looked at Hayden. “Don’t break my heart.” I said. “I never could.” He said kissing me. I stayed with Hayden; we’ll be together for whatever passes our way. I’ll stay loyal to my friends and family, and those in between. But it’ll always be the same old thing.
The End *Don’t Break My Heart- by Emmy Rossum *He Wasn’t – by Avril Lavinge *Pondering Questions- written by me!
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