Post by PheelyFanFromOhio on Aug 28, 2005 16:27:16 GMT -5
I was kind of bored and thought I would type up the episode.
This comes from the captions for Time Release Capsule from Phil of the Future. ©Disney
[In the video room doing the morning announcements. Keely is reporting.]
Keely-Breaking news. Tri-state science fair champ and H.G. Wells superstar Harvey Sniflekins is sick! Yes. The life of Harvey the rat, beloved mascot of the junior science squad, is hanging by a thread. We go now live to action reporter Donny Ronkonkmoe who’s standing by with Mr. Angst, H.G Wells’ science…man.
[We go to Mr. Angst in a hallway.]
Mr. Angst-Well, uh, one day Harvey was running in his wheel, happy as a ratclam—and then, well… he wouldn’t get out of his little bed. The junior event club is calling it exhaustion. But I know better. Oh it’s all my fault! [Weeps] I shouldn’t have pushed the little fella so hard. Some say I was basking in his glory. And so what if it’s true?! At least I brought home the sides for our goal, didn’t I? Oh, but at what cost? At…What…Cost?
[We go back to the video room with Keely reporting.]
Keely-[Sniffle] Everyone on the H.G. Wells news team wishes Harvey a full… and speedy… [Keely gets up from news desk and walks away. Phil takes over the news cast.]
Phil-And on a lighter note, which following that story is pretty much everything… Ah! Tomorrow’s lunch is fish sticks. Once again, tomorrow’s lunch is fish sticks. This is Keely Teslow saying toodles. Ahem. This is Phil Diffy saying toodles. Smile at camera shake hair attractively. I mean—mean cut.
Owen-No way, dude. Mm-mmm.
Phil-Cut.
Theme Song
[We go outside the school and see Mr. Hackett talking to the students about the time capsule.]
Mr. Hackett-This is where we will be burying the H.G. Wells time capsule, and it will remain buried here for 100 years until it is opened by students of the future.
Keely-Um, what sort of things should we put into the time capsule?
Mr. Hackett-An excellent query, Miss Teslow. Your items should not only represent who you are, but who we all are. I myself struggled with the question of what to choose. That is until I checked my coupon caddy where I found not only Enrique’s secret recipe for lobster bisque, but also a coupon for “Buy one can of tomatoes, get a dented can free.” Tomatoes, people. I’m going to be putting in a can of Pickford’s famous tomatoes.
Owen-Hey, Uh, Mr. H.
Mr. Hackett-Yes.
Owen-I’m just, you know, brainstorming here, but what if we filled the entire time capsule with those cool jumping snakes? So then when they open it in a 100 years… Ka-Bloohee! Huh? What? That comedy’s timeless.
Keely-Can we put in Owen?
Mr. Hackett-Yeah.
Owen-Sweet! Wow!
Mr. Hackett-Uh, don’t touch.
[Keely talks to Phil.]
Keely-I know. I have some jeans that were totally in over Spring break. People in the future are gonna know we were the most stylish kids ever. Besides, I’m never gonna wear them again.
Phil-Keely, this is a time capsule, not a thrift store.
Keely-What?! Think how much people would learn if we open a time capsule from 100 years ago and found a pair of low-ride stretch jeans with sparkles down the side.
Phil-Well, we’d learn the west was a lot wilder than we thought.
[Pim is in the hallway collecting money for Harvey the rat.]
Mr. Angst-Let me be the first to donate for Harvey’s upcoming trip to the ratologist in Phosphate City.
Pim-And how come I’m the one who has to baby-sit this rat?
Mr. Angst-Well, who else would be in charge but the junior science squad captain? We lead by example, Miss Diffy.
Pim-So I’m supposed to act like a nerdy bald guy.
Mr. Angst-I heard that!
Pim-Ok, people! Start forking over the green stuff. The higher the denomination, the quicker this bell stops ringing.
[People put in money]
Pim-[talks to rat] You’re a furry little goldmine. [to Keely] Tuppence for a sick rat, governor?
Keely-Look at the poor little thing. [rat suddenly becomes active in his cage.] Hey. He looks fine to me.
Pim-Sporadic wheel running followed by complications is a typical symptom of Havey’s condition: Rata…Ticulosis.
Keely-Oh.
Pim-[to rat] The problem’s not gonna be raising the money for your rat scan… It’s gonna be how Mamasita’s able to spend what’s left over.
[In a classroom]
Keely-I wonder if I should put in this kitty cat bag in the time capsule. Oh, this is so difficult. Have you figured out what you’re gonna put in?
Phil-How? All my cool stuff is in a whole other century?
Keely-Well, put in something that reflects who you are now. You know… ♪21st Century Phil♪
Phil-I don’t know that the big deal is with time capsules anyway. I mean, who cares if we’re remembered 100 years from now. It’s not like some superficial jeans they got at a mall or some goofy kitty cat bag is gonna help. That’s not what I meant. Um—
Keely-First, you made fun of my jeans idea. Now you’re totally ripping on my kitty cat bag. Which, by the way, is as functional as it is adorable.
Phil-I-- I know.
Keely-Why don’t you just put in some future thing or something and be all, “Ooh, I’m Phil Diffy. I’m all cool from the future?”
Phil-Keely, I wasn’t thinking I just said it.
Keely-Well, it makes me wonder what you’d say if you were thinking.
Phil-Ok. You know what? I’m gonna avoid the entire problem by not saying anything to you.
Keely-That can be arranged.
[Keely walks away]
Phil-Ok. That’s just me not thinking again.
[In the Diffy’s kitchen]
Pim-Seems a little light. [talking about the money]
Barbara-Whatcha got there, honey?
Pim-Oh, nothing. Especially…not money.
Lloyd-Well, something tells me this is not where these curtains go.
Barbara-Not a problem.
[Starts electric knife and cuts off half of a shower curtain]
Barbara-What do you think?
Phil-Another shower curtain in the kitchen. Kinda reminds me of the roast beef that keeps falling out of the medicine cabinet. You catch my drift mom?
Lloyd-Someone having a bad day?
Phil-Oh, no. It’s fine. I just said the wrong thing to Keely today, and now she’s all mad at me and hates my guts.
Pim-Mr. Perfect made a mistake? Pinch me! I must be dreaming! I said, “Pinch me!”
Barbara-What’s this? [picks up paper] “H.G. Wells time capsule.” What’s a time capsule?
Phil-Oh, it’s just the reason that me and Keely are fighting. It’s one of those containers that present-dayers put junk in. They actually think that people in the future care about remembering them.
Lloyd-Oh, right! Time Capsules. They sort of went out of style once people could actually time travel for themselves. [Looks at paper that Phil gave him about the time capsule] Muskrat gravy! I’ve seen this thing before.
Phil-Dad, that’s impossible. I mean, the school just got it today.
Lloyd-No! It was back in the future. Your mom and I just started dating. We were on one of our famous romantic picnics.
[Scene goes to Lloyd and Barbara in the year 2105]
[music plays]
Lloyd-[finds time capsule] It says it was buried a hundred years ago. Should we open it?
Babara-Let’s bust that sucker open, Lloyd!
[Hatch creaking]
Lloyd-Wow! Tomatoes! Oh and a recipe for lobster bisque! The reason lobsters went extinct. This stuff must be worth a fortune.
Barbara-Ooh. Beautiful. [Looks at a music box and we go back to 2005]
Barbara-And I’ve kept this ever since. I played it for you every bedtime when you were a baby. [Lullaby playing]
Phil-My binky busic box! I mean… Ahem… my—music box…thingy.
Barbara-It was the first thing to make you smile. And it still makes you smile even though you’re fighting with Keely.
Pim-Aw! Baby wrother’s binky busic box.
Barbara-And when you were a baby, we used to sprinkle your little tushie with honey-scented moon dust.
Pim-That never leaves this house.
Phil-Wait a second. You found tomatoes? Hackett said he was gonna put a can of tomatoes into the time capsule. That means that… the one that you found back home in the future is the same one that we’re gonna be burying here on Friday.
Lloyd-So if we leave ourselves a note in the time capsule before it gets sealed, your mom and I will read it when we open the time capsule in the future.
Barbara-That is so romantic.
Lloyd-Forget romantic! We write a note warning us not to take ant time-traveling vacations. If we don’t time travel, we don’t get stuck in this century. The Diffys are back in 2121.
Phil-Are you saying we’ll be going home?
Lloyd-No. As soon as that note lands in the time capsule, we’ll immediately disappear. It’ll be like we never took out time trip, because, well…we didn’t.
Barbara-Well, at least we’ll still have out memories.
Lloyd-You guys don’t get it. If we never took our trip, we never got stuck here. There are no memories.
Phil-But that means that we won’t remember anything or anybody. I won’t remember Keely. She won’t remember me.
Pim-Good thing she hates your guts, huh?
[Phil dreaming]
Phil-Hey, Keely, look, uh…I’m sorry about what happened yesterday. I really shouldn’t have said what I said.
Keely-I’m sorry, but do I know you?
Phil-Ok. I deserve that.
Keely-Are you one of Owen’s friends?
Phil-Yes! Yes, one of Owen’s friends. Phil.
Keely-Nice to meet you.
Phil-Keely, come on. We’re, like, best friends. You’re my partner in video lab.
Keely-[Chuckles] Video lab? Please. I’m junior-varsity cheerleader co-captain. And for the last time, I never met you.
Owen-Say, Keels. You ready for the big game?
Keely-Owen, you’re such a rascal.
Barbara-That’s what I keep telling him. Has anyone seen my roast beef?
Phil-Now this is getting freaky. KEELY?!
[Wakes up from dream]
Barbara-Bad dream about Keely?
Phil-No. No, of course not.
Barbara-Oh. Well, that’s strange, because in your sleep, you kept muttering something about “Keely. Keely. Bad dream.”
Phil-Ok. I had a bad dream about Keely. It’s hard enough telling her that I’m leaving. How am I supposed to tell her that once I put the note in the time capsule, I disappear, and we’re never gonna remember each other?
Barbara-Sweetie, I know you probably don’t want your mom’s advice.
Phil-OH! Yes, I do. I’m just a kid. Please, somebody advise me.
Barbara-Don’t tell her you’re leaving. You still have a whole day left together. Just make it the best day ever.
Phil-Thanks…Mommy.
Barbara-Aw!
[Phil and his mom hug]
Pim-10…20…30…40…[Giggles while counting money] 50…60… This is the best day ever! And yet my inner scan tells me I can take this so much further. What can I do to keep this rat train on its tracks?
Lloyd-Phil! Perfect! I’ve been working on what to write to myself. Tell me what you think. “Dear future Lloyd, how’s it going? I am fine. You look great. Whatever you do, don’t rent a used time machine from Marty’s used time machines and water slide.” What do you think?
Phil-You got our time machine at a used time machine place?
Lloyd-They had a water slide!
[We go to the H.G. Wells video room]
Announcer-Live from the H.G. Wells junior/senior high broadcast lab. It’s the first annual “Save Harvey” telethon. Here’s your host for the next 24 hours, or into the school day...Pim Diffy!
Pim-Thank you, the janitor with sideburns. And thank you for joining us. We’re hoping to break last year’s telethon record. [looks at sign that has $0] Which I see we’ve already tied! And to help us do this, we have a very special guest: TV’s Ben Savage.
[Applause, Music Playing]
Ben-Thank you, everyone, and thank you, Pim. Pim, it’s great to be here. But more importantly, Pim, it’s great to be able to use my gift as a celebrity to help fight this terrible illness.
Pim-Ben’s right.
Ben-Thanks, Pim.
Pim-Not that many people know this, but studies show almost 20% of all rats suffer from the same thing--
Ben-Excuse me. 20% of all who?
Pim-Um…Rats.
Ben-[laughs] Rats? Ha Ha! On the phone, you told me Harvey Sniflekins was a little kid.
Pim-Technically and legally, I never actually used the word kid.
Ben-I can’t believe I fell for this again!
[Ben walks out]
[Outside the school by a tree]
Phil-Hey. Look, Keel…The last thing we should be doing is fighting about some stupid thing I said. Our friendship is different from everybody else’s. It’s already got so many strikes against it, we can’t let something like this get in the way. Are you ignoring me, or…is your mouth just full?
Keely-Both.
Phil-Look, can’t we just forget this whole thing happened and try to make this the best day ever?
Keely-Maybe. If you promise you won’t make fun of what I finally decided to pit into the time capsule.
Phil-I promise. [Keely takes out her kitty cat bag] Your kitty cat bag it’s great! It’s perfect!
Keely-No, not the bag. This. [takes out the music box that Barbara finds in the future]
Phil-My binky busic box!
Keely-Huh?
[Phil coughs]
Phil-I swallowed a cricket.
Keely-My mom says it was the first thing to make me smile when I was a baby.
Phil-Yeah. I’ve heard that can happen.
Keely-It’ll be nice if I can make some baby in the future smile.
Phil-Yeah. Yeah, it will be nice.
Keely-What are you doing?
Phil-Something. [Beeping] Don’t worry. This doesn’t hurt the tree. [Carves Keely & Phil in tree] There. “Keely and Phil.” What do you think?
Keely-I like it. But just so you know, in this century, that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do.
Phil-Oh. Well…What if I add “Friend Forever”?
Keely-Great, but can you write the number “4” instead of the word “for?” You know, “Friends 4 ever.”
Phil-No, because…that’s lame in any century.
Keely-Yeah. Right. Sorry.’
[Back to video room]
Pim-Thank you chief. Harvey appreciates the generous donation made by Pickford’s all-volunteer fireman’s reenactment society. But it’s not enough, people! These rats are not going to cure themselves. And if you don’t believe me, listen to what this specialist has to say.
Lil Danny Dawkins-These rats are not gonna cure themselves.
Pim-Without the generous donations of people like you, I’m afraid that…Havey may never be able to desert the sinking ship again. Am I right, Lilton?
Lil Danny Dawkins-Ha Ha! I think the patient checked himself out.
Pim-What?! Where is he?!
[High pitched squealing from Dawkins because Harvey is on him]
Lil Danny Dawkins-I got rat cooties! Daddy! Oh, No!
Pim-Congratulations! Havey’s been cured! And…all thanks to your generous donations!
[Mr. Angst walks in]
Mr. Angst-Miss Diffy. The junior accounting club has some questions about the money you’ve raised. Mainly…where is it?!
Pim-That can be easily explained.
Mr. Angst-Get her!
[Outside by the time capsule]
Mr. Hackett-Students, parents, members of my recipe collecting circle, and of course, representatives of Principal Tillywhack’s office, thank you all for joining me today on this most momomentous occasion.
Keely-Isn’t this exciting? It’s like we’re writing a letter to the future. Phil, you don’t look so good. Are you Ok?
Mr. Hackett-Now it’s time for each student to place his or her personal item into the time capsule. If I may go first. This can of Pickford’s famous tomatoes is to show the future that Pickford was more than just the birthplace of beloved character actor Rusty Grumble, best known for his role as “Startled Man” in the Monkey Patrol movies one and two. Back in business. [puts tomatoes in time capsule]
[Keely walks up to capsule]
Keely-This will show that Pickford cares about all the future babies. [puts music box in capsule]
[Applause]
Mr. Hackett-Very nice sentiment.
Owen-This is to keep the future…smiling.
Mr. Hackett-Owen, are their jumping snakes in that can?
Owen-Oh, no, sir. [nods no to Mr. Hackett and yes to the crowd.]
[Applause] [Phil walks to time capsule]
Phil-This note may not seem like much, but it definitely means a lot to my family. I thought being remembered 100 years from now wasn’t important, but I give a hundred years of memories just to remember the most important, special, wonderful person I’ve ever met…Keely Teslow.
[Crowd chattering]
Phil-And now…good-bye. [thinks he will go back to the future but doesn’t]
Mr. Hackett-Yes. Uh, Well, Um…that was a little performance arty. It was still very nice, Phil.
Phil-Keel--
Keely-Phil Diffy, this is the most embarrassing moment of my entire life!
[Keely hugs Phil and smiles behind his back]
[Pim runs to time capsule]
Pim-Let’s go, Diffy’s! Go! Go! Go! Say good-bye to your money, chumps! [thinks she will go to 2121] Ratsnacks.
Phil-Dad…what happened?
Lloyd-I don’t know. If the note’s in the time capsule, then I should have read it in the future, we shouldn’t be here right now.
[goes to Barbara and Lloyd in 2105]
[carves Lloyd and Barbara in a tree]
Lloyd-For the woman I love.
Barbara-Aw. And…for the man I love.
Lloyd-Hey. Looks like we missed something. Hundred-year-old peanuts! Yummy! Oh! Sorry, honey. Sorry. It’s all right. Here. Oh gosh! Hey, uh, big surprise. Next week, we’re going to pick out a time machine.
Barbara-Sweetie, those time machines are expensive.
Lloyd-Not at Marty’s used time machines and water slide.
Barbara-Oh. It does sound like fun.
Lloyd-I know. They have a water slide!
[Camera goes up the tree and we see Keely & Phil friends forever on it]
[We see Pim giving back the money raised for Harvey.]
This comes from the captions for Time Release Capsule from Phil of the Future. ©Disney
[In the video room doing the morning announcements. Keely is reporting.]
Keely-Breaking news. Tri-state science fair champ and H.G. Wells superstar Harvey Sniflekins is sick! Yes. The life of Harvey the rat, beloved mascot of the junior science squad, is hanging by a thread. We go now live to action reporter Donny Ronkonkmoe who’s standing by with Mr. Angst, H.G Wells’ science…man.
[We go to Mr. Angst in a hallway.]
Mr. Angst-Well, uh, one day Harvey was running in his wheel, happy as a ratclam—and then, well… he wouldn’t get out of his little bed. The junior event club is calling it exhaustion. But I know better. Oh it’s all my fault! [Weeps] I shouldn’t have pushed the little fella so hard. Some say I was basking in his glory. And so what if it’s true?! At least I brought home the sides for our goal, didn’t I? Oh, but at what cost? At…What…Cost?
[We go back to the video room with Keely reporting.]
Keely-[Sniffle] Everyone on the H.G. Wells news team wishes Harvey a full… and speedy… [Keely gets up from news desk and walks away. Phil takes over the news cast.]
Phil-And on a lighter note, which following that story is pretty much everything… Ah! Tomorrow’s lunch is fish sticks. Once again, tomorrow’s lunch is fish sticks. This is Keely Teslow saying toodles. Ahem. This is Phil Diffy saying toodles. Smile at camera shake hair attractively. I mean—mean cut.
Owen-No way, dude. Mm-mmm.
Phil-Cut.
Theme Song
[We go outside the school and see Mr. Hackett talking to the students about the time capsule.]
Mr. Hackett-This is where we will be burying the H.G. Wells time capsule, and it will remain buried here for 100 years until it is opened by students of the future.
Keely-Um, what sort of things should we put into the time capsule?
Mr. Hackett-An excellent query, Miss Teslow. Your items should not only represent who you are, but who we all are. I myself struggled with the question of what to choose. That is until I checked my coupon caddy where I found not only Enrique’s secret recipe for lobster bisque, but also a coupon for “Buy one can of tomatoes, get a dented can free.” Tomatoes, people. I’m going to be putting in a can of Pickford’s famous tomatoes.
Owen-Hey, Uh, Mr. H.
Mr. Hackett-Yes.
Owen-I’m just, you know, brainstorming here, but what if we filled the entire time capsule with those cool jumping snakes? So then when they open it in a 100 years… Ka-Bloohee! Huh? What? That comedy’s timeless.
Keely-Can we put in Owen?
Mr. Hackett-Yeah.
Owen-Sweet! Wow!
Mr. Hackett-Uh, don’t touch.
[Keely talks to Phil.]
Keely-I know. I have some jeans that were totally in over Spring break. People in the future are gonna know we were the most stylish kids ever. Besides, I’m never gonna wear them again.
Phil-Keely, this is a time capsule, not a thrift store.
Keely-What?! Think how much people would learn if we open a time capsule from 100 years ago and found a pair of low-ride stretch jeans with sparkles down the side.
Phil-Well, we’d learn the west was a lot wilder than we thought.
[Pim is in the hallway collecting money for Harvey the rat.]
Mr. Angst-Let me be the first to donate for Harvey’s upcoming trip to the ratologist in Phosphate City.
Pim-And how come I’m the one who has to baby-sit this rat?
Mr. Angst-Well, who else would be in charge but the junior science squad captain? We lead by example, Miss Diffy.
Pim-So I’m supposed to act like a nerdy bald guy.
Mr. Angst-I heard that!
Pim-Ok, people! Start forking over the green stuff. The higher the denomination, the quicker this bell stops ringing.
[People put in money]
Pim-[talks to rat] You’re a furry little goldmine. [to Keely] Tuppence for a sick rat, governor?
Keely-Look at the poor little thing. [rat suddenly becomes active in his cage.] Hey. He looks fine to me.
Pim-Sporadic wheel running followed by complications is a typical symptom of Havey’s condition: Rata…Ticulosis.
Keely-Oh.
Pim-[to rat] The problem’s not gonna be raising the money for your rat scan… It’s gonna be how Mamasita’s able to spend what’s left over.
[In a classroom]
Keely-I wonder if I should put in this kitty cat bag in the time capsule. Oh, this is so difficult. Have you figured out what you’re gonna put in?
Phil-How? All my cool stuff is in a whole other century?
Keely-Well, put in something that reflects who you are now. You know… ♪21st Century Phil♪
Phil-I don’t know that the big deal is with time capsules anyway. I mean, who cares if we’re remembered 100 years from now. It’s not like some superficial jeans they got at a mall or some goofy kitty cat bag is gonna help. That’s not what I meant. Um—
Keely-First, you made fun of my jeans idea. Now you’re totally ripping on my kitty cat bag. Which, by the way, is as functional as it is adorable.
Phil-I-- I know.
Keely-Why don’t you just put in some future thing or something and be all, “Ooh, I’m Phil Diffy. I’m all cool from the future?”
Phil-Keely, I wasn’t thinking I just said it.
Keely-Well, it makes me wonder what you’d say if you were thinking.
Phil-Ok. You know what? I’m gonna avoid the entire problem by not saying anything to you.
Keely-That can be arranged.
[Keely walks away]
Phil-Ok. That’s just me not thinking again.
[In the Diffy’s kitchen]
Pim-Seems a little light. [talking about the money]
Barbara-Whatcha got there, honey?
Pim-Oh, nothing. Especially…not money.
Lloyd-Well, something tells me this is not where these curtains go.
Barbara-Not a problem.
[Starts electric knife and cuts off half of a shower curtain]
Barbara-What do you think?
Phil-Another shower curtain in the kitchen. Kinda reminds me of the roast beef that keeps falling out of the medicine cabinet. You catch my drift mom?
Lloyd-Someone having a bad day?
Phil-Oh, no. It’s fine. I just said the wrong thing to Keely today, and now she’s all mad at me and hates my guts.
Pim-Mr. Perfect made a mistake? Pinch me! I must be dreaming! I said, “Pinch me!”
Barbara-What’s this? [picks up paper] “H.G. Wells time capsule.” What’s a time capsule?
Phil-Oh, it’s just the reason that me and Keely are fighting. It’s one of those containers that present-dayers put junk in. They actually think that people in the future care about remembering them.
Lloyd-Oh, right! Time Capsules. They sort of went out of style once people could actually time travel for themselves. [Looks at paper that Phil gave him about the time capsule] Muskrat gravy! I’ve seen this thing before.
Phil-Dad, that’s impossible. I mean, the school just got it today.
Lloyd-No! It was back in the future. Your mom and I just started dating. We were on one of our famous romantic picnics.
[Scene goes to Lloyd and Barbara in the year 2105]
[music plays]
Lloyd-[finds time capsule] It says it was buried a hundred years ago. Should we open it?
Babara-Let’s bust that sucker open, Lloyd!
[Hatch creaking]
Lloyd-Wow! Tomatoes! Oh and a recipe for lobster bisque! The reason lobsters went extinct. This stuff must be worth a fortune.
Barbara-Ooh. Beautiful. [Looks at a music box and we go back to 2005]
Barbara-And I’ve kept this ever since. I played it for you every bedtime when you were a baby. [Lullaby playing]
Phil-My binky busic box! I mean… Ahem… my—music box…thingy.
Barbara-It was the first thing to make you smile. And it still makes you smile even though you’re fighting with Keely.
Pim-Aw! Baby wrother’s binky busic box.
Barbara-And when you were a baby, we used to sprinkle your little tushie with honey-scented moon dust.
Pim-That never leaves this house.
Phil-Wait a second. You found tomatoes? Hackett said he was gonna put a can of tomatoes into the time capsule. That means that… the one that you found back home in the future is the same one that we’re gonna be burying here on Friday.
Lloyd-So if we leave ourselves a note in the time capsule before it gets sealed, your mom and I will read it when we open the time capsule in the future.
Barbara-That is so romantic.
Lloyd-Forget romantic! We write a note warning us not to take ant time-traveling vacations. If we don’t time travel, we don’t get stuck in this century. The Diffys are back in 2121.
Phil-Are you saying we’ll be going home?
Lloyd-No. As soon as that note lands in the time capsule, we’ll immediately disappear. It’ll be like we never took out time trip, because, well…we didn’t.
Barbara-Well, at least we’ll still have out memories.
Lloyd-You guys don’t get it. If we never took our trip, we never got stuck here. There are no memories.
Phil-But that means that we won’t remember anything or anybody. I won’t remember Keely. She won’t remember me.
Pim-Good thing she hates your guts, huh?
[Phil dreaming]
Phil-Hey, Keely, look, uh…I’m sorry about what happened yesterday. I really shouldn’t have said what I said.
Keely-I’m sorry, but do I know you?
Phil-Ok. I deserve that.
Keely-Are you one of Owen’s friends?
Phil-Yes! Yes, one of Owen’s friends. Phil.
Keely-Nice to meet you.
Phil-Keely, come on. We’re, like, best friends. You’re my partner in video lab.
Keely-[Chuckles] Video lab? Please. I’m junior-varsity cheerleader co-captain. And for the last time, I never met you.
Owen-Say, Keels. You ready for the big game?
Keely-Owen, you’re such a rascal.
Barbara-That’s what I keep telling him. Has anyone seen my roast beef?
Phil-Now this is getting freaky. KEELY?!
[Wakes up from dream]
Barbara-Bad dream about Keely?
Phil-No. No, of course not.
Barbara-Oh. Well, that’s strange, because in your sleep, you kept muttering something about “Keely. Keely. Bad dream.”
Phil-Ok. I had a bad dream about Keely. It’s hard enough telling her that I’m leaving. How am I supposed to tell her that once I put the note in the time capsule, I disappear, and we’re never gonna remember each other?
Barbara-Sweetie, I know you probably don’t want your mom’s advice.
Phil-OH! Yes, I do. I’m just a kid. Please, somebody advise me.
Barbara-Don’t tell her you’re leaving. You still have a whole day left together. Just make it the best day ever.
Phil-Thanks…Mommy.
Barbara-Aw!
[Phil and his mom hug]
Pim-10…20…30…40…[Giggles while counting money] 50…60… This is the best day ever! And yet my inner scan tells me I can take this so much further. What can I do to keep this rat train on its tracks?
Lloyd-Phil! Perfect! I’ve been working on what to write to myself. Tell me what you think. “Dear future Lloyd, how’s it going? I am fine. You look great. Whatever you do, don’t rent a used time machine from Marty’s used time machines and water slide.” What do you think?
Phil-You got our time machine at a used time machine place?
Lloyd-They had a water slide!
[We go to the H.G. Wells video room]
Announcer-Live from the H.G. Wells junior/senior high broadcast lab. It’s the first annual “Save Harvey” telethon. Here’s your host for the next 24 hours, or into the school day...Pim Diffy!
Pim-Thank you, the janitor with sideburns. And thank you for joining us. We’re hoping to break last year’s telethon record. [looks at sign that has $0] Which I see we’ve already tied! And to help us do this, we have a very special guest: TV’s Ben Savage.
[Applause, Music Playing]
Ben-Thank you, everyone, and thank you, Pim. Pim, it’s great to be here. But more importantly, Pim, it’s great to be able to use my gift as a celebrity to help fight this terrible illness.
Pim-Ben’s right.
Ben-Thanks, Pim.
Pim-Not that many people know this, but studies show almost 20% of all rats suffer from the same thing--
Ben-Excuse me. 20% of all who?
Pim-Um…Rats.
Ben-[laughs] Rats? Ha Ha! On the phone, you told me Harvey Sniflekins was a little kid.
Pim-Technically and legally, I never actually used the word kid.
Ben-I can’t believe I fell for this again!
[Ben walks out]
[Outside the school by a tree]
Phil-Hey. Look, Keel…The last thing we should be doing is fighting about some stupid thing I said. Our friendship is different from everybody else’s. It’s already got so many strikes against it, we can’t let something like this get in the way. Are you ignoring me, or…is your mouth just full?
Keely-Both.
Phil-Look, can’t we just forget this whole thing happened and try to make this the best day ever?
Keely-Maybe. If you promise you won’t make fun of what I finally decided to pit into the time capsule.
Phil-I promise. [Keely takes out her kitty cat bag] Your kitty cat bag it’s great! It’s perfect!
Keely-No, not the bag. This. [takes out the music box that Barbara finds in the future]
Phil-My binky busic box!
Keely-Huh?
[Phil coughs]
Phil-I swallowed a cricket.
Keely-My mom says it was the first thing to make me smile when I was a baby.
Phil-Yeah. I’ve heard that can happen.
Keely-It’ll be nice if I can make some baby in the future smile.
Phil-Yeah. Yeah, it will be nice.
Keely-What are you doing?
Phil-Something. [Beeping] Don’t worry. This doesn’t hurt the tree. [Carves Keely & Phil in tree] There. “Keely and Phil.” What do you think?
Keely-I like it. But just so you know, in this century, that’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do.
Phil-Oh. Well…What if I add “Friend Forever”?
Keely-Great, but can you write the number “4” instead of the word “for?” You know, “Friends 4 ever.”
Phil-No, because…that’s lame in any century.
Keely-Yeah. Right. Sorry.’
[Back to video room]
Pim-Thank you chief. Harvey appreciates the generous donation made by Pickford’s all-volunteer fireman’s reenactment society. But it’s not enough, people! These rats are not going to cure themselves. And if you don’t believe me, listen to what this specialist has to say.
Lil Danny Dawkins-These rats are not gonna cure themselves.
Pim-Without the generous donations of people like you, I’m afraid that…Havey may never be able to desert the sinking ship again. Am I right, Lilton?
Lil Danny Dawkins-Ha Ha! I think the patient checked himself out.
Pim-What?! Where is he?!
[High pitched squealing from Dawkins because Harvey is on him]
Lil Danny Dawkins-I got rat cooties! Daddy! Oh, No!
Pim-Congratulations! Havey’s been cured! And…all thanks to your generous donations!
[Mr. Angst walks in]
Mr. Angst-Miss Diffy. The junior accounting club has some questions about the money you’ve raised. Mainly…where is it?!
Pim-That can be easily explained.
Mr. Angst-Get her!
[Outside by the time capsule]
Mr. Hackett-Students, parents, members of my recipe collecting circle, and of course, representatives of Principal Tillywhack’s office, thank you all for joining me today on this most momomentous occasion.
Keely-Isn’t this exciting? It’s like we’re writing a letter to the future. Phil, you don’t look so good. Are you Ok?
Mr. Hackett-Now it’s time for each student to place his or her personal item into the time capsule. If I may go first. This can of Pickford’s famous tomatoes is to show the future that Pickford was more than just the birthplace of beloved character actor Rusty Grumble, best known for his role as “Startled Man” in the Monkey Patrol movies one and two. Back in business. [puts tomatoes in time capsule]
[Keely walks up to capsule]
Keely-This will show that Pickford cares about all the future babies. [puts music box in capsule]
[Applause]
Mr. Hackett-Very nice sentiment.
Owen-This is to keep the future…smiling.
Mr. Hackett-Owen, are their jumping snakes in that can?
Owen-Oh, no, sir. [nods no to Mr. Hackett and yes to the crowd.]
[Applause] [Phil walks to time capsule]
Phil-This note may not seem like much, but it definitely means a lot to my family. I thought being remembered 100 years from now wasn’t important, but I give a hundred years of memories just to remember the most important, special, wonderful person I’ve ever met…Keely Teslow.
[Crowd chattering]
Phil-And now…good-bye. [thinks he will go back to the future but doesn’t]
Mr. Hackett-Yes. Uh, Well, Um…that was a little performance arty. It was still very nice, Phil.
Phil-Keel--
Keely-Phil Diffy, this is the most embarrassing moment of my entire life!
[Keely hugs Phil and smiles behind his back]
[Pim runs to time capsule]
Pim-Let’s go, Diffy’s! Go! Go! Go! Say good-bye to your money, chumps! [thinks she will go to 2121] Ratsnacks.
Phil-Dad…what happened?
Lloyd-I don’t know. If the note’s in the time capsule, then I should have read it in the future, we shouldn’t be here right now.
[goes to Barbara and Lloyd in 2105]
[carves Lloyd and Barbara in a tree]
Lloyd-For the woman I love.
Barbara-Aw. And…for the man I love.
Lloyd-Hey. Looks like we missed something. Hundred-year-old peanuts! Yummy! Oh! Sorry, honey. Sorry. It’s all right. Here. Oh gosh! Hey, uh, big surprise. Next week, we’re going to pick out a time machine.
Barbara-Sweetie, those time machines are expensive.
Lloyd-Not at Marty’s used time machines and water slide.
Barbara-Oh. It does sound like fun.
Lloyd-I know. They have a water slide!
[Camera goes up the tree and we see Keely & Phil friends forever on it]
[We see Pim giving back the money raised for Harvey.]