Hilarious Away Messages

[♥~Mel Diffy~♥]

I finally got my away messages all updated again (after numerous occassions of having ro re-install AOL, not to mention new screen names lol), & just thought I'd share all the funny ones I found. Enjoy!

__________________________________________

Taking my monthly shower. I'll be back as soon as I dry off & roll the hose back up to the house.


Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (your screen name). Your message will be answered in the order in which it was recieved. Your message is number 8,243. Please hold, your message is important to me.


This is a sad and funny away message. The sad thing is that you're IMing me thinking that I'm going to respond, & the funny thing is that I'm sitting in front of the computer, staring @ the screen, rolling on the floor laughing watching you IM me.


Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, & so am I


Fell out of my chair...this could take a while


Having a staring contest w/ the wall...*BLINK* DANGIT!!!


A day w/o sunshine is like...night


You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system, so please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.


Help!Ican'tfindthespacebar!


I have been temporarily distracted by a shiny object...


If a tree falls in the woods...do all the other trees laugh @ it?


My cat thinks I'm crazy. Be back when I'm done arguing w/ him.


There's a light @ the end of every tunnel...just pray it's not a train


The light @ end of the tunnel has been temporarily shut off due to budgetary cuts


Left to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please hold me there until I return because I'll need to see myself when I get back so that I don't get confused...


Don't follow in my footsteps - I walk into walls


Are you mad @ me? If not, press ALT+F4


Say this real fast:
I am we todd did
So if we king we todd did


Dr. Seuss's Long Lost Tongue Twister:

This is this cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dingbat cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat

Now go back & read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Betcha can't resist passing it on!


Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking, for instance...


My imaginary friend thinks you have SERIOUS mental problems...


Don't ya just HATE it when aunts & grandmas come up to you @ weddings, pinch your cheeks, & say, "You're next! You're next!"? They'll stop doin' that crap if you do it to them @ funerals...


Sorry, but @ the moment I am being chased by 6 penguins who seem to want my Butterfinger, but darnit, they can't have it!!! So I will be back as soon as I run them over w/ my Barbie car.


Right now I'm having amnesia & deja vu @ the same time. I think I've forgotten this before...


Dude, where's my car? Where's your car dude? Seriously, dude, where's my car?! I dunno dude, where's your car?! Dude, I think I lost my car, this may take a while!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH dude, ostriches are attacking your car!!! Oh cheeznack, get the heck off it, you llamas!!!!!!!!!


Picking the fuzz off my socks. Be back when I'm done.


I'm not here right now, but if you'd like to leave a message on my voicemail, press F1, then F8, then Enter 13 times


Actual warning label on a fax machine:

WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks & fax the photocopy.


I'm not at my computer right now because while I was away, my computer ran away. I'm chasing it right now, so if you see me go past your house running after a computer, put up this away message & come help me!


I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor". A long & difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive...


Someday my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, & is too stubborn to ask for directions!


I smile because I don't know what's going on.


Actual warning in a motorcycle manual:

WARNING: Do not drink the batter acid. It will hurt you. Also, do not bite the tires, especially when the bike is moving. Our lawyers made us put these warnings in.


There is a smurf @ my door & I have many questions to ask him - like what color his face turns when he holds his breath...be back when I'm done! ;D


Confucious say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in technicolor


I'm @ my thpeech impediment clath learning how to get rid of my lithp


Out of my mind - back in 10 minutes


If you press F1, F2, then tab over, you'll be able to hear my voice through your speakers. Repeat 10 times.


I'm out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer. Be back soon! ;D


Note: Away messages are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger


Out playing hide-and-seek w/ Bin Laden. DANG is he good! So yeah, this might take a while...:-\


HELP! My braces are stuck to the carpet! Wait...I don't have braces anymore. Be back as soon as I figure out why I'm stuck to the carpet...


Mommy, is that you?

[sultanpeppershaker]

Heheh, good stuff.

Reminds me of the Mentos answering machine theme....

Linkage to a download of said Mentos song... www.brownderbies.com/song.asp?which=mentos

[spongeaud]

hey those r really funny especially the alt + f4 i did that and it totally logged me off but that would be funny to do to your friends

[reesie24]

those are so awesome!!!!!

[dpirates03]

those are great! good quotes to use!

[superduperyay]

phil is on. talk to you? yeah, right.

...
if I still had aim right now, I'd so use that one.

[Femtimon]

I was about to use this one but then I decided not to cuz I wasn't gonna leave my computer on long enough (thought of it myself):
sawing some logs. if you need to talk to me, give me a subliminal message and i'll get back to you if i'm concious enough. If you want to be sure I get your message, come into my dreams but I'm warning you now that you might get lost in the subconcious ride

>I know it's not as great as the other ones and it probably doesn't make any sense but it's what I could think of so....

[tvfreak]

THATS IS SO :-jFunnie my brother was cracking up and i dont know how to find somewhere on this forum to mack siggs let along have a perwsonal picture for my file like the one above for instance its really good and i want one?please help